I always get what I want.
I'm not sure if it's because of my age, or the time I live in, or the television that I watch, but for me everything seems like the end of the world. Every problem that arises, or thing that goes wrong, seems of appocalyptic proportions. Which means that when I want something, it feels like I'll never get it.
The things I want are never objects. I'm not a particularly materialistic person. The things I want are friendships with paricular people, or grades for lessons I like. They are actions and life descisions and future plans. I never seem to get these things when I want them.
'What?' I hear you cry, 'but you just said you always get what you want!' and I do. But I always get it when I no longer want it, or no longer care. By the time I'm obscurely given the thing I used to long for, I've moved on. Which is the trouble with feeling like everything is the end of the world, because something can't be the end of the world for ever. It's too much effort.
This is what's happened to me recently. There was a person I really wanted to be close to. I thought they were amazing, one of the best people I've met. I met this person a year ago, and only recently have we started talking properly and doing stuff together. But I don't really care about this person anymore, I like them, I still think they are really cool, but it doesn't matter to me whether we are passing aquantances or the best of friends.
Occasionally I don't get the thing that I wanted, but by the time I've realised this I don't want it anymore anyway. Which in a way, is a way of securing that you always get what you want, because if you stop wanting it, you never have to worry that you never did.
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
*gulp*...there goes my pride
I create dilemmas for myself. I have a tendency to blag things I don't know, and to bull***t the rest to fill in the gaps. It works for me as well, because I'm fairly well known for having an ecclectic general knowledge, so no one questions what I say if I do make it up. That is, no one of my own age questions what I say. Which is how I get myself into such trouble, I don't know when to stop.
In a history lesson a few weeks back, my teacher happened to mention that he liked The Smiths. I don't know much about The Smiths, I had listened to 'How soon is now?', but to be honest that was only because it's the title track to Charmed which I quite enjoyed when I was younger. But, me being me, I decided to play with this the best I could. From the one song I'd listened to I'd decided that they were very cool, and my teacher was not, and this was to be pointed out. I made a very big deal out of it, to the point where I used the phrase 'I feel like you're raping my culture'. When you use rape in a metaphor for something you like, there's no going back. For the following weeks I then had to completely blag my way through every lesson, pretending I'd listened to more of them than I had, because as I hadn't anticipated, my teacher wouldn't let it drop. I tried moving the subject onto The Cure (who are very much like The Smiths, and who I do actually listen to) but to no avail.
I thought I'd gotten away with it, until we came to the point where we were studying the Cuban missile crisis and he wrote the words 'If not love then its the bomb that will bring us together' on the board, and stated to the class 'and if you want to annoy her, then use this in your poster'. They were lyrics, but to what I didn't know. He'd been waiting for this section purely to catch me out. I was duped.
The trouble is, I actually liked what I'd heard of them before, now I associate them with my teacher. None the less, I've come home, looked them up, abused youtube considerably, and deliberated that I really do like the music. So what do I do now? Do I go in quoting and singing all the songs I can remember, pretending that I knew all along? Or do I swallow my pride and admit I never really knew them before, but I really like them now (even ordered a cd)? Does that make it his influence which pushed me into it?
My pride was lost long ago, probably about the same time as I started trying to conserve it by never admitting I didn't know something. And if not then, then certainly the lesson I didn't know the lyrics he was quoting. Perhaps if i keep my head down, he'll forget, I'll never have to say anything and I can conserve what little prideI have left....
*gulp* oh wait....never mind.
In a history lesson a few weeks back, my teacher happened to mention that he liked The Smiths. I don't know much about The Smiths, I had listened to 'How soon is now?', but to be honest that was only because it's the title track to Charmed which I quite enjoyed when I was younger. But, me being me, I decided to play with this the best I could. From the one song I'd listened to I'd decided that they were very cool, and my teacher was not, and this was to be pointed out. I made a very big deal out of it, to the point where I used the phrase 'I feel like you're raping my culture'. When you use rape in a metaphor for something you like, there's no going back. For the following weeks I then had to completely blag my way through every lesson, pretending I'd listened to more of them than I had, because as I hadn't anticipated, my teacher wouldn't let it drop. I tried moving the subject onto The Cure (who are very much like The Smiths, and who I do actually listen to) but to no avail.
I thought I'd gotten away with it, until we came to the point where we were studying the Cuban missile crisis and he wrote the words 'If not love then its the bomb that will bring us together' on the board, and stated to the class 'and if you want to annoy her, then use this in your poster'. They were lyrics, but to what I didn't know. He'd been waiting for this section purely to catch me out. I was duped.
The trouble is, I actually liked what I'd heard of them before, now I associate them with my teacher. None the less, I've come home, looked them up, abused youtube considerably, and deliberated that I really do like the music. So what do I do now? Do I go in quoting and singing all the songs I can remember, pretending that I knew all along? Or do I swallow my pride and admit I never really knew them before, but I really like them now (even ordered a cd)? Does that make it his influence which pushed me into it?
My pride was lost long ago, probably about the same time as I started trying to conserve it by never admitting I didn't know something. And if not then, then certainly the lesson I didn't know the lyrics he was quoting. Perhaps if i keep my head down, he'll forget, I'll never have to say anything and I can conserve what little prideI have left....
*gulp* oh wait....never mind.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
What are cinemas for?
Following their 25th anniversary, Back to the Future is being re-released in cinemas. Joyous times!!! Or is it?
Fans across the country (including myself and many friends) are leaping at the chance to see this classic on the big screen. Many for the first time, considering our age. Yet I was shocked to find that some people didn't understand it. "I've got it on dvd, what's the point?!" I was told.
?!?!??!?!
"THE BIG SCREEN! MARTY MCFLY! DELOREAN!"
Is what I should have scremed, but didn't. There was no consideration needed in my head as to whether or not I wanted to go and see it. Everything is better when it's bigger. [ No inuendo intended ; ) ]
But could my misguided friend have a point? Surely the whole reason you spend extortionate amounts on going to the cinema is the fact that you can't see it anywhere else. If said film were being played on BBC1 at the same time, I suspect very few people would actually pay to see it. So why should it be any different just because the film is old?
Should the cinema be left just for new releases? I leave the answer up to you.
Fans across the country (including myself and many friends) are leaping at the chance to see this classic on the big screen. Many for the first time, considering our age. Yet I was shocked to find that some people didn't understand it. "I've got it on dvd, what's the point?!" I was told.
?!?!??!?!
"THE BIG SCREEN! MARTY MCFLY! DELOREAN!"
Is what I should have scremed, but didn't. There was no consideration needed in my head as to whether or not I wanted to go and see it. Everything is better when it's bigger. [ No inuendo intended ; ) ]
But could my misguided friend have a point? Surely the whole reason you spend extortionate amounts on going to the cinema is the fact that you can't see it anywhere else. If said film were being played on BBC1 at the same time, I suspect very few people would actually pay to see it. So why should it be any different just because the film is old?
Should the cinema be left just for new releases? I leave the answer up to you.
Friday, 8 October 2010
Best friends vs. Boyfriends
I recently lost my best friend, not that she died, but we broke up as it were. My best friend was everything to me, the one person that I could tell everything to, the one person that knew me in my entirety, the person I knew I could always count on. On knowing that we would never be that close again, I couldn't help but feel as though a little part of me had disapeared. I started thinking about how hard it is to find a best friend, someone that is all you are and not, that fills your gaps but enahances your solid ground, someone that can be all you need. That, is much harder than finding a boyfriend. Losing that is knowing that I'll never find it again.
Boyfriends are ambiguous things, some are loving, some are funny, some will wrap their arms around you and whisper into your ear how much they love you, but most will ignore you if they want to play COD or FIFA. Boyfriends will have one of these qualities, but they're not expected to have them all. You're looking for someone who has some sort of nice quality amongst a short list of things you like. This makes your odds fairly high in the scheme of things in finding one. Of course, they have to like you back, but as one of my new favourite quotes states "your type is anyone who will let you" and I'm starting to think this is true of everyone of the male persuasion.
With a best friend, you're not looking for just one thing. One thing won't do. You can't have a best friend who likes shopping but doesn't watch your favourite soap. Likewise a best friend who likes the same music as you but is useless in giving advice becomes useless themselves. A best friend needs to have all qualities. They're expected to like all the things you do, as well as other things which they can introduce you to. They need to encourage you in areas you lack confidence, and subtly tell you when you need to give up on a certain area *Cough* singing *Cough*.
A best friend is a skillfully crafted thing. Perfectly suited to each individual. A round peg to a complimentary round hole. Which is why they are so impossible to find. I was lucky to find mine, and stupid to lose her.
There are the exceptions of course, girls who say their boyfriend is their best friend. These are abnormal girls, or have abnormal boyfriends, something there isn't quite normal. My advice to you is not to try and find one of these, finding a boyfriend is hard, a bestfriend impossible, one of these mergers must be alien at the very least.
Boyfriends are ambiguous things, some are loving, some are funny, some will wrap their arms around you and whisper into your ear how much they love you, but most will ignore you if they want to play COD or FIFA. Boyfriends will have one of these qualities, but they're not expected to have them all. You're looking for someone who has some sort of nice quality amongst a short list of things you like. This makes your odds fairly high in the scheme of things in finding one. Of course, they have to like you back, but as one of my new favourite quotes states "your type is anyone who will let you" and I'm starting to think this is true of everyone of the male persuasion.
With a best friend, you're not looking for just one thing. One thing won't do. You can't have a best friend who likes shopping but doesn't watch your favourite soap. Likewise a best friend who likes the same music as you but is useless in giving advice becomes useless themselves. A best friend needs to have all qualities. They're expected to like all the things you do, as well as other things which they can introduce you to. They need to encourage you in areas you lack confidence, and subtly tell you when you need to give up on a certain area *Cough* singing *Cough*.
A best friend is a skillfully crafted thing. Perfectly suited to each individual. A round peg to a complimentary round hole. Which is why they are so impossible to find. I was lucky to find mine, and stupid to lose her.
There are the exceptions of course, girls who say their boyfriend is their best friend. These are abnormal girls, or have abnormal boyfriends, something there isn't quite normal. My advice to you is not to try and find one of these, finding a boyfriend is hard, a bestfriend impossible, one of these mergers must be alien at the very least.
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