I always get what I want.
I'm not sure if it's because of my age, or the time I live in, or the television that I watch, but for me everything seems like the end of the world. Every problem that arises, or thing that goes wrong, seems of appocalyptic proportions. Which means that when I want something, it feels like I'll never get it.
The things I want are never objects. I'm not a particularly materialistic person. The things I want are friendships with paricular people, or grades for lessons I like. They are actions and life descisions and future plans. I never seem to get these things when I want them.
'What?' I hear you cry, 'but you just said you always get what you want!' and I do. But I always get it when I no longer want it, or no longer care. By the time I'm obscurely given the thing I used to long for, I've moved on. Which is the trouble with feeling like everything is the end of the world, because something can't be the end of the world for ever. It's too much effort.
This is what's happened to me recently. There was a person I really wanted to be close to. I thought they were amazing, one of the best people I've met. I met this person a year ago, and only recently have we started talking properly and doing stuff together. But I don't really care about this person anymore, I like them, I still think they are really cool, but it doesn't matter to me whether we are passing aquantances or the best of friends.
Occasionally I don't get the thing that I wanted, but by the time I've realised this I don't want it anymore anyway. Which in a way, is a way of securing that you always get what you want, because if you stop wanting it, you never have to worry that you never did.
