Are we who we think we are?

In trying to discover who we are, or who we think we are, we often get it wrong. We describe ourselves with generalised terms like 'bubbly' when what we really mean is loud, or annoying, or affraid-to-grow-up.

We call upon friends to describe us, who call us smart, or talented, or say (and this is the real kicker) that we 'have other good qualities', when we know theyre only trying to be nice.

We can place labels on ourselves so that we fit more easily into the society created around us, but we always back it up by saying that we're really unique and different, and no label could define us anyway.

If all else fails, and we still haven't got a full enough idea of who we are, we can always project our personalities onto the characters of others. We say that we're just like Lizzie Bennett, or perhaps, more likely with today's generation, Hannah Montana. We're just the same, because like them we also don't conform to society and are independant // have an attitude problem and sing.
     Worse still, the moment comes when we find someone and simply slot them into this little fantasy world that we are mistaken in thinking is our own.  When first I met the other half we thought we were Edward and Bella, just because of little things. I had to explain to my Mum that it was like being the modern day Romeo and Juliet. Yet before, I was Sylvia Plath. I was Sylvia waiting for my Ted. That all went out the window when I met him, but now I've come to realise how closely it fits. How similar he is to Ted Hughes.

So while I'm aware that things often go wrong when we try to pin poin ourselves, I'm quite happy being Ted and Sylvia, just for now.

Lower your standards. Live your life.

Do you ever lower your standards to fit the life you're currently living? That's what I do. If something I want is a little out of reach and I think I won't get it, or am too lazy to try, I'll lower my expectations so that I don't have to bother.

It's what I'm doing at the moment with A level history course work. So I'm predicted a B right? But if I REALLY tried I could probably get an A.  Last year I got a C, and I'm currently working at a D. I know that if I put some effort in this weekend I could get my course work (which is half of my final grade) up at least 1 grade if not 2. But I really can't be bothered. This is where I start justifying the grade I would get if I didnt try, and convincing myself that it's not really worth it anyway. 'If you get a C in the exam you'll still come out with a C overall. Even if you got a D in the exam you'd probably still get a C. Don't bother too much. You'd never manage a B overall anyway'.

It's not the best way to live your life. It's not the most accomplishing way to live your life. But it sure as hell is the easiest.

A life-time in three months

It will soon be three months ago that I met, who was soon to be, my boyfriend. Three months. How long is three months?

 A third of a pregnancy. 2 terms at school. 2 lots of summer holiday. 48 hair washes. 12 changes of nail vanish. A quater of a year.
Nothing in the scheme of things.

In this, I have lived a life-time.

Not in a bad way. Not in a way that suggests things have been so hideous that time has dragged to extreme proportions. No. Quite the opposite. So much has changed in this time that I can barely remember the life I used to live. In fact it was a talk with him about how we are like best friends, that reminded me of my first post, and resulted in my writing this. It's strange how sometimes, weeks will pass, months will pass, sometimes even years will pass without anything significant happening. Without anything joyous or brilliant or important. Those times will pass without recognition, and in a blink of an eye.

But these three months? They have been the best and worst of my life. They are cemented in my mind as the days that changed my life forever. The days that saw me giddy with euphoria, stupid with anger, scared at things to come, and content at the realisation that everything will be ok.

Yes, Ive lived a life-time in these last three months, but it was a good life.